Daily cloud
by Shinka-chan
Summary: Madara planned an evil plan to win money for the Akatsuki: Secretly Film the Akatsuki s day life and put it on Myspace.Meanwhile Saso and Dei start to have feelings Hi and Kaku argue with the Catolic Church and Itachi wants to know wth is happening there
1. Chapter 1

Night at the Akatsuki secret Hide out.

"Yo, Tobi!"- yelled a voice inside Tobi´s head.

-"Mom?"

-"No, y´a idiot! It´s me, Madara!"

-"Oh. Hi, Madara-sama"

-"Shut up. Listen, I was searching for a condom in my desk, when I found this months Akatsuki bills, and what did I read?

Make up and nail paint – 15000 dollars

Porn videos and magazines – 30000 dollars

Ferraris – 300.000 dollars

Money toilet paper – 40.000 dollars

Dog money toilet paper- 35.000 dollars

WTF!? Our profits are –2 BILIONS dollars and fifty cents. We need to start makin´ money quick"

-"So what Tobi can do for you?"

-"Well, I have a plan. You see, the Jinchurikiis are soooooo past season. What are giving in are Reality shows. So I (and my beautiful and sexy mind) came up with the most brilliant reality show EVER! I (and by I I mean YOU) will put cameras around the house, in every room and bathroom, and put it live online in my Myspace page, "Madara, Friend or Uchiha : The daylife of a sexy men". I shall call it *dramatic pause*… "The Nine Bijous, Madara and his bitches: The inside adventure"

-"Uhm…why don't call it "Daily Cloud"?"

-"…Fine. NOW GO TO WORK!"- Madara plugged a button in Tobi´s (empty) brain that made Tobi fall from the bed and start installing the cameras. While that, Madara plugged his computer on, and got to his Myspace page. He started writing:

"_Dear fans, for now on, Madara´s page will have a brand new soap opera: "Daily Cloud"- it shows the life of a criminal organization, but they don't have a clue that they're being filmed. Sex, violence and hard language in a show that make "Grand Theft Auto" piss his pants._

_Kisses XXX_

_Madara" _

Madara backed on his mafia chair and naughty smiled.

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Next day, Madara´s 200 fans (he was pretty famous) had their eyes glued on the computer screen. Madara woke up, turned the cameras on, and started writing on his MS page:

_Day one, 10:00_

Pein was the first one to wake up. He started to prepare the typical evil secret organization breakfast: Cookies, toasts and chocolate milk. The second to wake up was the "malest person on the organization": Konan. Next were Zetsu, Tobi, Itachi, Kisame, Deidara, Sasori, Kakuzo and Hidan. Everyone was hearing:

Hello Kitty pink pyjamas

Sponge bob boxers

Nothing

They all start to eat and watch "Pokemon". After breakfast, while putting his coat on, Itachi felt a chill in his spine and turned back and look directly to the camera. He pretend he was get something from his pocket and whispered in Kisame´s ear

-"Follow me"

Itachi walked for outside and entered the Akatsuki mobile. After awhile Kisame join him to.

-"Were being filmed. I saw the camera"- said calmly Itachi

-"Last week you said a flying cupcake"

-"It wasn't a cupcake, it was a DONUT…but something don't seem right, and I will find out what is" *dramatic song starts to play*

-"Why?"

-"Well, do we have something else to do?"

-"Oh, touché!"

-"Get your own lines, shark dick"- screamed Iruka from Konoha **(A/N- If you didn't understand see "Naruto Abridge Series")**

Back to the hide out, the rest of Akatsuki was focused on their daily hobbies: Hidan was cutting himself, Kakuzo was counting his money, Tobi was playing with his Lego, Zetsu was in God-knows-where doing God-knows-what, Konan was watching "Opra" and Pein was washing the Akatsuki´s underwear, when a sudently "BANG" came out of the living room.

-"FUCK!"- screamed Deidara. He had spend three hours making that sculpture, when one of his hands bitted a tip of the big white leopard, making the piece of art exploding. No one really cared, except Pein, who seeing the clay glued to the black walls, throw the apron for the floor, buried his head on his hands and began crying. Deidara started to make some more clay with his mouths

-"To bad art is a bang, right Deidara?"- Sasori naughty smiled at the blond. Deidara got up and faced the red-headed, hands on hips

-"Well, art is a bang, but art his also like having sex with a woman: we only should go for finish the acting when the job is completed"

-"Yes, like you have had sex with anyone besides your hands. Besides, if your art was eternal, this wouldn't happen"

-"Well, I prefer being always making new pieces of art than stick with the same."

-"Maybe something aren't to change"

-"Well, maybe I want to change, and you don't let me, shit!"- Deidara ran for his bedroom. Sasori could see the tears ran thru his face right before he shouted the door.

-"Gave him 3 to 6 days"- said Konan, without turning around from the little girl from Africa that had a headache. Sasori didn't know why, but he felt a very strong pain in his chest. He walked to Deidara´s room, but when he was twisting the doorknob, Zetsu appeared behind him

-"Don't. When me and my black side were angry, I thought talk with him would be better, but it wasn't. Just give him sometime"

Sasori shyly noodle and slowly dragged himself for his room. Zetsu white side look at the black side

-"What happened?"

-"**You had to bring the subject up**"

-"Im sorry you know I had to help him"

-"**…**"

-"…I love you"

-"**…I love you too**"- Zetsu hugged himself and happily ran to his cousins/plants.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

**Note: This part have some Church critiques. Also there´s a lot of SasoDei kinda fluf things, but don't worry, the rest of the Akatsuki will sear up things. I just need to have more ideas to write more chapters. If you have an idea for the story, than please tell me.**

**And remember, every time you review, an Akatsuki member dies ******

-"Oh, Kakuzo, you never believe what happened there! Sasori and Deidara started to argue and now Dei is mad at Saso. AHHHHHHHH!"- If there was something that Hidan loved more than Jashin, it was soap operas. Kakuzo noodle, not paying too much attention.

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_~Meanwhile, in the real world~_

-"DBBBBBBBB! You´re never believe what happened there! Sasori-kun and Deidara-kun started to argue and now Dei is mad at Saso. AHHHHHHHH!"- If there is something I love, its SasoDei. My friend DB agreed without taking hers eyes of the book

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_~Back to the Naruto world ~_

Pein cursed the day he created that organization while taking the explosive white clay from the wall, when someone knocked the door.

-"I´m sitting"- said Konan. Pein mentally show her the finger and opened the door. Behind the door, a priest and to nuns hold a Jesus figure above their heads

-"Sorry, but we´re happy with our phone bill"- said Pein

-"We´re here to take the Devil out of this house."- said the priest

-"How can a person sacrifice himself with all this no-OH SHIT! KAKUZO, IT'S THE INFIDELS!"- Hidan broke the kitchen window and ran for the hood

-"The infi-OH SHIT!"- Kakuzo ran to his room, got his bag of money and ran away to Hidan.

-"Oh no y´a don't, you fucking bastards"- the priest and the nuns ran to Hidan and Kakuzo. Pein made a funny face and shut the door

-"Do you know what-"

-"Last week, Hidan raped a nun while Kakuzo steal the village church Now God wants revenge"- sad Konan

-"What about all that forgiveness and peace bull shit?"

-"Oh that is overrated. Now what gives is abortion"

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-"Here. Because of my Sharigan, I was able to detect all the cameras. I mark them on this map"- said Itachi, showing a map of the Akatsuki (not so) secret hide out. They were inside the Akatsuki mobile.

-"Since when you have a map of the house?"

-"Since when you´re a tuna fish?"

-"Oh your gonna pay for that, weasel!"

Suddenly Kisame and Itachi started to fight like teenage girls inside the car, scraping and biting included.

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-"Dinner, everyone!"- Pein yelled behind the pink Barbie kitchen set. Itachi, Kisame, Tobi, Zetsu and Konan joined him in the table.

-"Where´s Freak and double Freak?"- asked Itachi

-"They ran away from Church"

-"And Sasori and Deidara?"

-"They are mad with each other. I think Deidara always want to change, but Sasori wont let him, or some shit like that"- said Konan, not paying to so much attention to the talk, and more to the NBC News.

-"What does "shit" means?"- asked Tobi. No one paid attention to him and Madara buried his head on his hands

-"Back in the good ol´ Mist, the Seven Swordsmen had a thing like this. You see, Ranmaru got mad at Raiga (**A/N- They are on a filler from the anime, if you don't know who they are)** because he didn't let her (**A/N- I don't know if Ranmaru is a boy or girl, but he looks a girl, but then Haku…**) go out with the other freaks. They didn't talk over a month, until me, Zabuza and Haku got then a blind date and they got back together"- said happily Kisame

-"Yes but you Swordsmen are a bunch of gay paedophiles, and-*BOON*""- Itachi speech was interrupted by a big explosion noise, followed by screams.

When the remain Akatsuki got to the font of the noise, Deidara´s room, they saw the door on the floor, who had been broken in half because of the explosion. Pein slammed his napkin in the floor and began crying. Inside the half exploded room, Deidara moved his fingers thru what used to be one of his greatest and dearest creations: a jade eagle, that he and his dad made had made during an year, right before his death

-"YOU FUCKING LOSER! WHAT HIS YOUR PROBLEM!"- Deidara throw a break lamp at Sasori

-"I-I´m so sorry, I-"  
-"No, just…don't"- Tears ran freely down Deidara´s face

-"Look I-"

-"DON'T!"- Deidara looked himself in the bathroom. Sasori punched the wall, leaving a mark on it

-"What happened?"- asked Konan

-"I did the silliest mistake of my life, that's what"- Sasori looked himself in his room. Besides Pein cursing the day he joined those freaks while fixing Deidara´s door, no one else talked that night

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Inside Tobi´s mind, Madara decided to go watch the ratings of the "Daily cloud": 20 000 views!? Madara evily smirked, while writing:

_Dear fans,_

_Now you know the story, its time for you to pay. For every hour, 20 bucks. MWAHAHAHHA!_

_Kisses and hugs XXX_

_Madara_


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

**Note: YES! School is finally over for my class, and because we don't have exams, we are on vacantion! So that means Ill finnish this fic this week and start my new Akatsuki one. Its kinda a sequel, and belongs to my : Akatsuki adventures plot.  
And remember, every time you review, Hinata passes out ******

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-"Hidan...I think… we lost them"- Kakuzo tried to get back his breath. They had spent the whole night running from the nuns. They run fast, you know?

They were hiding behind a bush, when suddenly they heard a noise.

-"Oh, Jashin. We´re done. Were done didely done. Were done didlydil-"

-"Wake up, Hidan!"- Kakuzo slap Hidan like he was a bitch. He turned around to see the priest, but after awhile, they quit. After the priest was gone, the duo got up and start walking

They were in the airport asking for information (a.k.a, Pimpin), when they saw a familiar face

-"Oh dear God, there they are again"- Kakuzo pointed to a bunch of priest, reverends and nuns.

-"I think they got some friends"

-"Lets go!"- Kakuzo pointed to an empty bag, big enough of them. The two locked their selves there and waited to someone put them on a plain.

-"This is stupid"

-"Did you have a better idea?"

-"Fine"

-"…"

-"What the…were you grabbing my ass"

-"Oh, shut up, I can fell your dick getting harder"

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-"Okay, Kisame, this is the plan: All the cameras net come from Tobi´s room. We are gonna enter his room and find out what gives around here. Now put your ANBU shark mask on"

-"You sure have a lot of free time"

Kisame and Itachi, dressed has ANBU´s, walked to Tobi´s room. When they got there, they tried to open the door.  
-"Okay, Kisame use your sword"

Kisame hesitated for a moment, but then slammed the Samehada against the door. They looked for inside, but the only thing they saw was Tobi reading a magazine and listening to Waka Laka.

-"Oh shit, he´s still here, run!"- Kisame and Itachi ran. After awhile, Pein passed by the destroyed door and began to cry.

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-"Where the fuck are we?"- said Hidan.

-"I don't know, lets ask that guy"- They walk and approached some random guy who was passing by

-"I´m sorry, where are we?"- said Kakuzo

-"You´re in Vatican, sir"

-"Oh…my…Jashin"

-"Were in the capital of church?!"

~Meanwhile, in Vatican~

-"Pope-sama, the infidels are here"

-"Great…kill them"- The Pope and his cat evilly laughed

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-"Are you sure this is gonna work?"

-"I´m sure. Believe me"

-"I don't know…"

-"Oh, come on, did my plains ever go wrong?"

Kisame remembered the accident in Vegas.

Kisame tried to push Itachi thru the ventilation, when suddenly Pein appeared.

-"What are you doing?"

-"Cleaning my sword"- Kisame pretended he cleaned his sword, while Itachi crawled in the ventilation

-"Its just me, or this is smaller than I thought? And- Oh oh"

-"What?"

-"I think i´m stuck"

-"Oh, God, this is exactly what happened in Vegas"

-"Shut up. Now, crawl to me and push me. Your bigger and stronger"

-"Bu-"  
-"DO IT!"

-"…"

-"…"

-"I think I´m stuck too"

-"…"

-"…"

-"Fuck"


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. YES! I finally finished. Thank you to all that liked and reviewed, I think this is my best story til now**

**And remember, every time you review, Gaara takes one of his clothes on ******

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-"Dinner, everyone!"-screamed Pein behind the My little pony table. Zetsu, Tobi and Konan joined him.

-"Wow, today´s dinner is more looted then ever"- said Zetsu white side

**-"Well, more food for us. Here let me fill in you plate" **

**-**"Thanks honey"

-"I think everyone ran away from Pein´s food. Hahahhaah"- Konan began to laugh, and Pein got back to his room to continuing planning a way to destroy a woman. **(A/N- Cause we are inventible. BWUAHAHAHHA)**

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Kakuzo and Hidan walked to the airport to go back to the Feudal Japan, when they got kidnapped by two nuns. When they woke up, they were inside the Vatican building

-"Kakuzo…the-"

-"Don't worry…I got the ultimate weapon…to destroy the Catholic Church" *dramatic music plays"

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-"Deidara, can I talk to you?"- Sasori walked thru Deidara´s room. He was laid in bed looking at the roof. –"Look, I-I want to sho-"

-"Shut up"

-"Look, I-"

-"Do you know how much that statue meant to me, un? Do you know, go dammit"- Deidara pushed Sasori. He fell on the floor, and his coat opened. A big blue leopard and a white bird tattooed in his chest shinned with the wax. Deidara opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but words didn't come from his mouth

-"I painted on my chest for you. I ruined a perfect pi-"- Sasori was interrupted by Deidara´s lips touching his.

-"Thank you"- Deidara whispered in Sasori´s ear, and kissed him again. Sasori felted the passion in his heart boiling

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Madara sat down watching the cameras. That's when he saw Deidara´s room

-"HOLY (BLEEP) HARD GAY PORN"

After 5 minutes, the "Daily cloud" had more than 5.993.927 profits.

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-"Kisame…we aren't gonna make it…"

-"It passed only three hours, calm down…"

-"Please…just…can you make my last wish…come true?"- Itachi started lick Kisame´s neck. Kisame sweat dropped.

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Hidan and Kakuzo were in the dungeons of the Vatican church, when someone opened the door.

-"Well, well, well, if it isnt the infidels."- Pope walked to the duo

-"Pope"

-"Too bad I have to KILL YOU!"- the Pope showed the black knife

-"Well that's a lame catch phrase"- said Hidan

-"Wait, Pope. I got something even God cant bless. Suck on THIS!"- Kakuzo took from under his coat a photo of Dick Cheney

-"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"- The Pope melted from under his coat.

Hidan got up and dressed as the Pope

-"Look at me, im an infidel- Hahaha"

-"Pope-sama, your up"- a priest showed up behind Hidan and dragged him for the veranda. Under him, millions of people waited to listen the pope.

-"What in the beautiful hell can I fucking do?"

-"Just say something"

-"Erm…Oh, I got it.

I´m a little Jashinist

Cool and sexy

Here is my…erm…tennis

And here is my…penis"

Hidan took of his pants. 5 minutes after, Hidan and Kakuzo were running from church again.

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Madara started to foam from his mouth: 10.000.000 billions dollars, all thanks to the DeiSaso sex video

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-"Everyone, dinner"- Pein, Konan, Tobi and Zetsu sat down in the pink table. After awhile Deidara and Sasori. Sasori was wearing his Suna boxers, and Deidara the shortest robe ever made.

-"Leather"- said Konan. Deidara started walking to his room to get some underpants, but Sasori grab him and sat him down in his lap.

-"*sniff* So happy and younger…"- said Zetsu

**-"Oh were happy and younger too"**

**-**"Do you want to go to the room?"

**-"Can it be after dinner?"**

-"Oh, you´re so sexy when you said that"

-"Hey…Guys…"- Hidan and Kakuzo ran thru the door and locked it.

-"NBC news, with Shizune.

Good night. Top story: the Pope got killed, and the murder putted his clothes and showed of his genitals to-"

-"Lets just talk today, un?"- Hidan closed the TV

-"AMARETSU"- Itachi and Kisame blowed up the wall, the ventilation and half of the house. Pein buried his head on the chicken and cried.

-"Remember Kisame, what happens in the vents, stay in the vents."

**~THE END~**


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